Does anyone even read this?

Okay so I don't really blog for all to read, I blog to get things off my chest and if someone reads and can understand cool. Or even better, if someone reads looking for advice before getting the lap-band and Ive helped them make a decision that's cool too. 
I have came to a stop in my weight loss. Which is cool. I know why it is. I just gotta get my mojo back! I have to WANT to lose weight and right now, i just am stuck. My mind has a lot of clutter. I am stuck in my old ways. 
I mean I knew when I chose to have the surgery it wasn't an easy fix to my weight problems. And honestly, i didn't care about that. I just wanted most of the excess weight off. Now I am only about 50 lbs from my goal and I am stuck because my head is still stuck at where it was when i was 268 pounds. It is time for me to look inside myself and figure out why I do the things I do. I can go and blame it on everyone else, the way I was raised, growing up without a father, looking for something missing, not being able to be a normal teen/young adult due to me getting pregnant at 17. Everyone has issues but not everyone allows those issues to take over. I hold things in because I don't want to be "weak"
Lately a lot of things from my past are all of the sudden in my face. I never claim to be perfect, okay wait, maybe I do from time to time. But *I know I am not perfect. Honestly right now I am not even sure what I am babbling about. I just feel like I need to type. 


I'm done for now...
*sigh*