Why dont *I* see it?

67 pounds gone. FOREVER. And I still don't see it. In my mind, I look like the 262 pound Erica. Yes, that is how much I weighed when I started out on this journey. I know it will be like this for a long while. But its sooo frustrating. Sometimes I wish i had kept at least one pair of my old jeans to see the difference. I gave them all away so that I couldn't/wouldn't go back. I went from a size 24 to a 14. If I didn't have a tummy, I'd be happy! Like honestly happy. I said my goal size was a 14. But my tummy says HELL NO! *Chuckles*

4/2010

3/2012

 Sooo here are two pics I could find a side view of me. Two years apart. Geez I sure have been complaining a lot lately. o_O I really don't mean to but sometimes I need to vent and what better place to vent than my own blog! lol Okay, I guess looking at the pictures, I do see some loss.
I am sounding a bit crazy, so i will stop typing...
for now....
XOXO

Putting it all out there....

Sooo lately I have been wondering what was wrong with me. I am a decent looking chick, chubby, but I got a cute face so I've been told. But I am single. Do not go on dates, hell I dont think I have been asked on one in a long while, and if I have, its been some dude whose idea of a date is to come to my house to "watch movies." Um NO! Well I have figured it out, so I think. I am unavailable. I have not let go completely of my past. My divorce. I am admitting it here in hopes to finally let go. My ex and I are "friends" meaning, when things go his way, we get along. Once I say no or do something he does not like, he makes my life HELL and I go along because I rather keep the peace. I usually keep my personal life, personal but I have to let this go. How in the world do I move on? It has been 3 years now and I have met an amazing person who I let go because I am stuck on someone who I am no longer with. *slaps myself in the forehead*

Soo now I have another issue. WHY am I not motivated?! Now with my hurt leg, I know I cant workout but my eating choices have been so bad lately. My soda intake is not okay. I actually put a picture of a fat woman up on my computer screen as a reminder what I do not want to look like. *sigh* I wish this was so much easier. I did not have the lap-band put in so I can stay fat. Do I not love myself enough to want this for ME? It is so frustrating. Someone give me some tips. Because I need to get to my personal goal by my birthday at the end of the year...

I have so much more I need to get out, but will wait on it...
Sincerely a tired frustrated woman!