VSG

Well I did it. It has been 8 very long weeks of hell. I never in a million years thought recovery would go horrible for me. It has gone so bad. I had to take off 6 weeks of work and I am still feeling messed up. However here is an update picture:

A photo posted by Erica (@calierica) on Jan 1, 2015 at 2:48pm PST

I am having a hard time eating. I dry heave all the time. I just feel shitty all the time. But hey, I am losing weight. *sigh*

I just wanted to update since I had not posted in a month.

Love to all...

Fill Under Floro

July 8th is the date! Prayers that this test shows the leak so we can submit to my insurance company to have the band revised or fixed. I have gained about 20 lbs since the whole leak thing started back in March. Now, I have not been as strict as I used to be so that is not helping at all. I just need ya'll to pray that this test shows something.

Thanks!

Dr Visit.

May 8th I had an appointment with the PA from my Surgeons office. I told her the issue I was having which is I do not get that restriction that I used to get. I am able to eat more and I am hungry not long after I eat. So she decided to pull out all of my fluid to see if it matches up with what was put in at the last appointment in March. She was able to pull 6.5CC's out (I had 9.6cc's) in the first go around. She had a hard time finding my port and really hurt me getting to it. My port is slanted so she actually had to grab it through my skin and hold it. Can we say OUCH!?! She decides to get rid of that liquid she pulls out and fill me back up to 9.5. When she goes back into my port, she pulls out an additional 1.5cc's. Which is not an indication of a leak. So she fills me back up and makes me gulp water, I feel hardly any restriction. I leave the office and do my normal liquids for the next day or so. Well here I am, 8 days later and still no restriction. She said to call the office if I have no restriction. Unless I can get in on Monday or Tuesday, I will have to wait until after my vacation next week. Oh by the way, I have gained 14 lbs since March. FML!

What could it be? I am seriously at a loss. So frustrated!

*Tap* *Tap* Is this thing on?

I really don't have much to say to be honest. I am a ball of mixed emotions. I sometimes think that the lap-band wasn't meant for me. Or lets say, I wasn't ready for the lap-band. I am stuck between 199 and 200 pounds. I mean why would my weight change, I am not working out. I don't eat great either. Hell I sit here at my desk with a open Dr. Pepper can that I have taken a few sips of. It actually made my stomach hurt so I stopped drinking it.

My boyfriend moved in to my apartment on July 10th. He has been such a huge help! Cooked me some fish twice and it was sooo yummy! My tummy was happy! I am no longer in a long distance relationship due to this move. It is nice to have him here every day and know he does not have to fly back to Atlanta after being together only a week.

The kids are doing well. Summer break is going by quick for them. I like them in school better. So they aren't just wasting time playing online all day long. Ayanna made some brownies the other day and then cupcakes the next day. I think shes plotting against me. lol

So now here is another issue. I am always so sleepy. Grouchy. I know one day I am just going to SNAP! lol How in the heck do I get out of this mood?

And can someone link me to lap-band friendly recipes?


Oh! Tonight the boyfriend and I are going to the Orange County Fair. I am super excited! I love the fair. (And the fair food) I am not too big for the rides anymore which means I think I will get on a few. I really like to see the vendors too. They sell all kinds of nifty little things there.


Until next time.....


Erica

Eff Planks!

So I've been wanting to try them and because they looked so hard I always thought to myself "Nah, I'm good." So the other night, Sunday, my oldest kid said she did them in swim and that they were hard. I got down on the floor and decided to plank. I was able to hold it for about 45 seconds, let myself down for 10 then back up for 30 seconds and that was it. Lord help me. That madness is hard. But guess what, I keep doing them. To see how long I can hold myself up. Hopefully I have challenged myself  enough to make my tummy go away some.

I even showed my co-workers how to plank this morning. I got on the floor at work and did it. Even the "fit" bka skinny girls could not hold themselves up much! Which made me feel awesome!

My other co-worker said she met with a personal trainer through her gym (its free) and she said that he made her stand on that half ball looking thing with kettle balls and do squats. Ummm I would have probably fell out. lol She invited me to join her on Sunday to work out. Since my babies will be with their dad, I am going to take her up on that offer and hit the gym with her.

Its always easier for me to go workout when someone is there with me, not that I will sit there and talk, but I don't feel so "alone." Its good to have a support system.

Well it's time for lunch! Gotta eat this turkey, bacon & avocado sub!

XOXO

Erica

Well I'll be damned!

So I guess I just learned that if I eat correctly, my band works! LOL So I made some chicken stew the other day and put it into containers to bring to work for lunch this week. I had chicken, zucchini and some other veggies in it and well lets just say, I was only able to eat half of the small piece of chicken I put into the container. I guess if I pre-cook my weekly meals I may see some kind of weight loss. smh.

I guess I can throw in a workout here and there this week while I am trying to be healthy....


-Erica

One Day At A Time

Yup! That is what it has to be. I have to stop drinking soda. I seen someone post a blog about getting rid of soda for one week. So I will do that. Starting today, I am going to drink water. I bought two 1 liter bottles of water this morning so that I have something to drink all day otherwise I'd just hit up the vending machine for a Dr Pepper.

This has to be the hardest thing for me to cut out of my diet. I guess I will just pray on it.

I know I am not the only one that has this issue, or am I? 
 

Ups and Downs

So I keep going from 201 to 207 for the past few months. It is so annoying. But I really don't follow my lap-band "instructions" anymore anyway so its all my fault. I eat and drink together. I don't do proteins much. With the holidays right before us, this is going to be extra hard for me. I don't even go to the gym as much as I can. I always have an excuse as to why I don't go. Simple as this, I don't even know if I am doing my workouts correctly so I think why even go. Such a lame excuse.
I need to get under this 200 pound mark. I cant even blame anyone but myself for not being further along in my weight loss. I really should already be at goal, I mean I am almost 2 years out from surgery. Or maybe not. Everyone is different right. I've been at this weight for the longest time. I still have a good amount of restriction with the band. Maybe if I try not drinking while eating. I will have the full feeling longer? Or maybe just eating the right foods? I really think I should go back to some support meetings. I think it would help me a great deal since I seem to have forgotten the "rules"
Any tips for me guys?!
XOXO

Let's Jump on the Bandwagon...

So I am trying out Herbalife for a couple of weeks just to get a feel if i actually am about that life... ya know two replacement meal shakes a day... I am a oral person (lolz) so drinking my meals just does not seem like it would be a good idea for me. But who knows. I had my morning shake and added some light strawberry banana yogurt to it since it was so disgusting. And I wasn't even able to drink the full shake since I am full. Which is awesome! I will have a salad for lunch and the other half of my shake for dinner.

Lets see how this Herbalife thing goes, I have seen some awesome results and my mom's friend only works out once a week and she looks amazing. Im going to need some prayers!
XOXO
E

Ramblings...

Seriously, I am happy with everything about me EXCEPT my tummy. I know if i had a tuck, I'd be so much happier with my body. I guess I need to figure out a way for my insurance to cover this procedure. I don't mind the arms, and the thighs and i actually like having my booty. But this stomach is GROSS! I look in the mirror most days and say "not bad" considering the whale I was about a year and 8 months ago.
Its probably not a good idea to have a tuck at this time since I am not even 2 years out from Surgery but i hate looking in the mirror and everything is fine, except that part *insert sad face*
Has anyone had a tummy tuck? I have so much belly fat its disgusting!

Monday I went to the gym and worked out for a little less than an hour and that felt good. I felt like I had so much energy afterwards. Went home and did some laundry and washed dishes. I also could have gone to bed early had I not wanted to sit on the phone with my boyfriend while watching Breaking Bad (which is an amazing show). I will go to the gym a few days a week to try to lose the weight I gained when the boyfriend was visiting. :/

I often wonder why I was so confident in my bigger body. I just knew I was cute. Now, I am super insecure. Its pretty sad. Like at a size 14, its not good enough, but at a size 22/24, I was happy. Makes no sense. Can anyone explain the logic behind that? I used to be a social butterfly at my biggest weight. And now I stay home, not only because I feel like I am a new person and I don't have the same thoughts/feelings as I once had. Or maybe I am just growing up while old friends are still into the clubbing scene?

Anyway enough with my rambling.. I gave myself a headache!

XOXO
E

Oh how I've neglected you,,,

Dearest Blog,
I hope you're not mad at me. See I've been very busy with my life. My trip to Atlanta was AMAZING! I now have a boyfriend. Yes a real BOYFRIEND! He is awesome!
Anyway so I am still at the same weight I was before. I really haven't been trying to lose weight. I go through phases where I want to lose more than I get lazy and don't care. I need to snap out of it. So I said I wanted to get to my goal weight by my birthday in December, however I don't think its possible to get a full workout with my meniscus tear. Or maybe that is just my mind telling me I cant do something.
As I sit here and snack on chips... smdh.. I am my worst enemy and I know it.
Anyway hopefully I will have some time later tonight to upload some of my pictures of my trip to Atlanta!
XOXO

Just a picture

So as much as I even hate to post this picture! I feel like I have to! So I can keep myself in check! The first picture was taken 12/23/2010, a month before I had my surgery. The 2nd one was taken 1/2012 not sure of the exact date. And the last was taken a couple days ago. Such a huge change!

Why dont *I* see it?

67 pounds gone. FOREVER. And I still don't see it. In my mind, I look like the 262 pound Erica. Yes, that is how much I weighed when I started out on this journey. I know it will be like this for a long while. But its sooo frustrating. Sometimes I wish i had kept at least one pair of my old jeans to see the difference. I gave them all away so that I couldn't/wouldn't go back. I went from a size 24 to a 14. If I didn't have a tummy, I'd be happy! Like honestly happy. I said my goal size was a 14. But my tummy says HELL NO! *Chuckles*

4/2010

3/2012

 Sooo here are two pics I could find a side view of me. Two years apart. Geez I sure have been complaining a lot lately. o_O I really don't mean to but sometimes I need to vent and what better place to vent than my own blog! lol Okay, I guess looking at the pictures, I do see some loss.
I am sounding a bit crazy, so i will stop typing...
for now....
XOXO

Adjustment and things...

So I went ahead and got the adjustment done last Thursday. My band is pretty tight. I had my first stuck episode today. I decided to try some chicken breast from a Chinese food place even though my gut told me "Do NOT do it" It smelled so yummy but i know chicken breast is just too thick for me. Welp one piece in and yep at my work desk I went to the bathroom several times to get rid of it. Good Lord when will i finally realize i need to go with my first instinct. I ended up giving my lunch to my co-worker who I obviously feed well! lol Guess I will look back and maybe this post will remind myself to NOT eat chicken breast no matter how good it smells.

Anyway so I am enjoying this whole working out thing. My body, no so much. But it will get used to it right? I mean who likes to feel like their arms are going to fall off from weights? Its crazy how just a year ago I couldn't even do a full workout without being overly tired! Now I am just loving it. Gives me a release of stress! I do 30 mins on the elliptical. Then I go to the weight machines and work on my inner & outer thighs, my arms and my booty!  Then the Sauna. I am there for a good hour 45 mins. And sometimes I go during lunch time and do 20 mins of cardio then weight machines for about 20 mins. I hope I see the scale move soon.

I have a confession, I have been drinking soda *sigh* I try so hard to not drink it. But its the only caffeine I get. :( I gotta stop. Anyone have any tips? Because as long as I am drinking it, I wont be able to lose.
Thanks!
XOXO
Erica

Hungry, I think....

*sigh* Yes, I am. There are days where I can eat so much and other days where, umm yea not so much. I have a hard time knowing when I am hungry for real or just want to eat for comfort. Today, I had some breakfast, 2 eggs and a couple of home-style potatoes pieces and welp, 3 bites in and I'm stuck. So maybe a fill isn't in my best interest. I want to always feel optimistic about my journey but lets face it, its not always peaches and cream. There are days where I think, Why did I do this to myself. But then I look at an old picture and think "THATS WHY FATTY"

 

 

Oakland 2009

I think I was at my highest weight at this point. You see that tummy?! Gorda! That was a year and some months before I have the band put in place. And there I was happy as pie. Goodness! Anyway, sorry I started to go off into another direction. Anyway, why is it I am still having a hard time knowing when its actual hunger or if I think I am hungry. So all my friends who have the band, how do you know when you are actually hungry? Do you have set times when you eat? Do you really drink water throughout the day like you are supposed to? Do you ever get like me and miss eating food the way you used to?
So many questions I have that I know happen to others but I still feel alone in this... Its crazy!
Any lapbanders in the So Cal area, message me. I am thinking of some how doing some type of "meet-up group" I think having friends who are understanding of what we go through is important. Support is the key to success

XOXO
Erica

To Fill or not to Fill

So Thursday I have an appt with the lap-band doc. I am at 7.1cc's at this point and have some restriction. Since I didn't lose last time they wanted to see me in 6 weeks from my last appointment. I am sure they will ask me if I want an adjustment. And I am not sure if I do. I know if I do, and its too much, i will be back removing it ASAP. It has been a year and 2 months since I have gotten the band put in.  Whatever shall I do?
So I got a 24 hour gym pass like I had promised I would when I got back from Atlanta. Boy oh boy am I sore. I go every other day or so. It feels good to work out. Sometimes I sneak a 30-45 minute workout in at lunch time on my work days so I don't have to go late at night. I am so not a night person anymore. Today at the gym, when my 30 mins was done, I felt like I could have done more. Which is awesome! When I go at night with David, we stay for about an hour and half. 30 minutes is doing cardo, the other time is doing weight then 10 minutes is in the sauna. That sauna feels good after I walk out.
I am proud of myself that I am actually sticking to this gym thing. Usually I would have said forget this madness but I have a goal I need to reach.
I want to lose 50 pounds by my 33rd birthday in December. Is it possible? Yes, I am sure it is. Will I do it? I sure hope so.
So lap-banders shall I fill or not? Gimme advice.

LovelessSociety.com

So my Atlanta trip has came and gone. I miss it dearly already. While I was in Atlanta, I lost 5 pounds. It probably had something to do with the fact I was walking a lot, and my food intake was minimal. The weather was cold, a Cali girl isn't used that that kinda stuff!
Anyway, while I was there I was tattooed by the best ever Melvin Todd. He added to my arm. My arm is beautiful. I also did a photo shoot while I was there. You can check me out Loveless Erica. It has a little interview and some amazing pictures. I fall in love with my arm all over again and a little bit more each day. Oh and I also am the proud owner of the very first Loveless Society painting. It sits on my side table in my room.
Please go to the site and read about Cupid. He's an awesome Cherub and what he stands for is even better.
Go ahead and check the site and let me know what you think.
XOXO
Erica

More Ramblings....

Well I am headed back to my favorite place, Atlanta! I get to get some more body art by Melvin Todd. And see an Art show at City Of Ink. I swear if i lived in Atlanta id be marked up like a subway in harlem - sorry had to use that line. Lets hope I dont cry this time when I have to come home. I leave Wednesday morning! I have 3 days off of work next week. Much needed to say the least. I totally expect to lose weight since I know when I am vacationing I always forget to eat! I hope I can finally get under the 200 lb mark. Anyway, me going on vacation allows me to clear my mind. I come back in a better space. I hope that me getting away from this allows me to also come back and get on track with the gym. I really need to stop playing around and just do it.
Speaking of clearing my mind. Being a mother to a teenaged girl is hard work! I never ever imagined it would be as hard as it has been. While it isnt as bad as other mothers Ive heard horror stories about, its tough work. I am 32, shes 13. Sometimes I have to remember that we are learning together. She speaks with me about issues with school. And I try to guide her in the right direction. But she is a miss know it all, as was I when I was her age. Boys are becoming an issue. I tell her not to be in a rush to grow up, she will wish she had her kid years back. But what do I know. In her eyes I was never in her place. Nevermind I met her father when I was 14. Got pregnant with her at 17 and had her at 18. I never got the chance to be a young adult. I was a mother of two by 20 and a wife with kids by 21. I just hope she sees me and realizes I do know what I am talking about.
Woah that turned into a mini venting session. Anyway time for me to go to bed, I am sleepy!
XOXO
Erica

Eff Jillian Michaels

So um yea, I started the 30 day shred and did it for a few days and um no. Just no. My legs were shaking and I could hardly sit down. I know "no pain no gain" but good lord I'm just too damn big for all that jumping around nonsense. I need to get something with less impact on my joints before I go ahead and do this 30 day shred nonsense lol I need to get on CL and look for a cheap elliptical like I had originally planned on.
So this is me yesterday:

I feel like I look so much smaller in pictures than I do in person. I can hide my tummy well. That is the ONLY part of me I have. My stomach. I wish i could just cut it off and Id be okay... Thanks for listening to me vent..
XOXO

E

One year

1/17/2012

Well here it is! One year since I've been banded! A full year. Well what do i say? In this year I have learned so much about me. And boy with just 57 lbs lost, I have transformed so much. I look at old pictures and I am EMBARRASSED that I ever allowed myself to get so big. Only a few more pounds until I get under the 200 mark. I have started exercising and walking a bit more. Drinking more water. I had an adjustment on Monday. Since the adjustment i totally feel the difference in how much I can eat. I am loving it. Hopefully in 8 weeks there will be a big loss! *crosses fingers*

So I will be heading to Atlanta in February to get more ink from Melvin. I can not wait.. some more Loveless on my body! I think that's the only thing I really get excited about other than seeing the scale move lower, is the anticipation of getting to Atlanta and getting tattooed. Gonna go home and book my flight if the flight is still $167 like it was last night.

UPDATE:
Welp the ticket wasnt $167 but I am still headed that way.


My question to you, whoever reads my blog,
 What advice would you have given yourself before you have whatever WLS you had?

XOXO,
E