Ups and Downs

So I keep going from 201 to 207 for the past few months. It is so annoying. But I really don't follow my lap-band "instructions" anymore anyway so its all my fault. I eat and drink together. I don't do proteins much. With the holidays right before us, this is going to be extra hard for me. I don't even go to the gym as much as I can. I always have an excuse as to why I don't go. Simple as this, I don't even know if I am doing my workouts correctly so I think why even go. Such a lame excuse.
I need to get under this 200 pound mark. I cant even blame anyone but myself for not being further along in my weight loss. I really should already be at goal, I mean I am almost 2 years out from surgery. Or maybe not. Everyone is different right. I've been at this weight for the longest time. I still have a good amount of restriction with the band. Maybe if I try not drinking while eating. I will have the full feeling longer? Or maybe just eating the right foods? I really think I should go back to some support meetings. I think it would help me a great deal since I seem to have forgotten the "rules"
Any tips for me guys?!
XOXO

Ramblings...

Seriously, I am happy with everything about me EXCEPT my tummy. I know if i had a tuck, I'd be so much happier with my body. I guess I need to figure out a way for my insurance to cover this procedure. I don't mind the arms, and the thighs and i actually like having my booty. But this stomach is GROSS! I look in the mirror most days and say "not bad" considering the whale I was about a year and 8 months ago.
Its probably not a good idea to have a tuck at this time since I am not even 2 years out from Surgery but i hate looking in the mirror and everything is fine, except that part *insert sad face*
Has anyone had a tummy tuck? I have so much belly fat its disgusting!

Monday I went to the gym and worked out for a little less than an hour and that felt good. I felt like I had so much energy afterwards. Went home and did some laundry and washed dishes. I also could have gone to bed early had I not wanted to sit on the phone with my boyfriend while watching Breaking Bad (which is an amazing show). I will go to the gym a few days a week to try to lose the weight I gained when the boyfriend was visiting. :/

I often wonder why I was so confident in my bigger body. I just knew I was cute. Now, I am super insecure. Its pretty sad. Like at a size 14, its not good enough, but at a size 22/24, I was happy. Makes no sense. Can anyone explain the logic behind that? I used to be a social butterfly at my biggest weight. And now I stay home, not only because I feel like I am a new person and I don't have the same thoughts/feelings as I once had. Or maybe I am just growing up while old friends are still into the clubbing scene?

Anyway enough with my rambling.. I gave myself a headache!

XOXO
E