My Crazy Thoughts...

Im not even sure how to start this one off. I have so many issues that may be holding me back. First let me just say, i am so glad I have lost as much weight as I have since having the Lapband done in January. That being said, I feel like i should be so much farther along in my weight loss. And maybe I would be if I worked out. Right now, i just walk. And sure walking should help but yah... anyway, in a perfect world i would look in the mirror and say, Damn Erica, you look GOOD! but in MY world, i see the same fat girl i did 8 months ago. I only really notice the loss in pictures of me. I think oh wow, i look small here - and that should be the end of that, but its not. I end the sentence with, but my belly is still big! *sigh*
I am only writing this because I know I am not the only one feeling this way. So i looked in the mirror after getting out of the shower today and started to cry. My stomach is less than flattering. Nothing else bothers me to be honest, my stomach is just ugh! So I get dressed, i wear a navy blue shirt in an Juniors XL (i havent fit this size since I had my oldest 13 years ago) and some jeggings (yes i said jeggings). I see myself and i think UGH. Then i snap a couple of pics and i say heyyyy I look good... Its amazing how the mirror and pictures differ in someones eyes. But at the end of the day, what I look at is the mirror. How can I change the negative thoughts I have when i see myself. Everyone in the world can tell me "you look great" "wow" etc but what I see isnt the same as what they see....

So these are the pics that I am speaking of:

Front View 9-18-11

Side View 9-18-11

And a before picture for comparison:

Not a very good pic but you can see i was much bigger...

Blah Blah Blah

GOSH Why am I setting myself up for failure?!?! That is how I feel right now. I have my moments where I say "Erica, this is simple. You've changed your eating habits a lot already, so go ahead and change up a little bit more" but then I get a simple craving, and BAM, I screw up and eat that junk and then feel shitty so what do I do? Eat it again!!!
Really?!?! WHO does that?!?! Me!
I have been drinking more water than I normally do, so at least that is changing. Sometimes I annoy myself so much. SMH
After speaking with someone, who i respect their opinion, about me posting the scale pics I have been taking over the past few months, I have decided to go ahead and post them. So tonight when I get home after I make dinner I will post scale pics. I wish I had thought to take them from the verrrry beginning. With this blog I leave out so many things because I fear opening myself up to people. I am working on that.
Anyway im off work so buh byeeee for now...

Horrible Blogger

Yes, I am well aware that i have been a horrible blogger. I dont even know when the last time i blogged was, but im back so with that said, I have not lost any weight since my last adjustment in July. I have been 213 since then, well i gained a pound so I am now 214 by the Dr scale. Mine, says 212. I guess I need to really start having an actual workout and not just walk. It has been almost 8 months since I had the lapband and I am down 50 lbs and the PA said that my weight loss is fine. I feel like it should be more but hey 50 lbs is 50 lbs and i will take it. My band is now at a 7.1. Feeling a bit restriction now. So i shall be good. I have been doing well with it. This may be my last adjustment. Now its my turn to work my booty off literally lol. Now a question for ya'll: Is anyone having isses with their port site being bigger than the other side of their tummy?
So here is a couple pictures of me now:


9/10/11