So I find myself thinking, if i were only size 7 I would be perfect. When did being thin equal perfect? I never really knew how big I really was. I was given some old pictures of when Kianna was a year old. I was so wide. So so sooooo big. I am so embarrassed. Anyway back to my original thought. Media tends to make women doubt ourselves by shoving these size 2's in our face. Now let me set the record straight, I never want to be a size 2. I NEED my curves. I love having thick thighs and a round booty. Just want them toned. But even if i were a size 2, would I be happy? Or would I try to be a size 0.
My mind is constantly on how to make myself "pretty" meaning losing weight. I wonder if this will ever stop, even when I reach goal weight. Which by the way isn't by any means skinny. I mean really, I am 5'1" and I want to be 150. I'd still be considered overweight.
I mean how many overweight people are really honestly happy by the way they look? One may claim to be "happy and love themselves" the way they are, but at my highest weight, I was depressed and I just didn't care enough about myself to change anything. Now that I am half way to my goal, I sit here and think how in the hell did I not love myself enough to take care of ME! Being a mom and a wife, I put me on the back burner. It wasn't until I divorced did I really start caring about the way I looked. And now its an obsession.
Anyway this totally got off topic yet again. Me and my ramblings.. but I do not want to be skinny, I want some curves.
Until next time...
Erica
I have come back and re-read this post a few times since you put it up. I use to think a lot like this. Until I realized that what I was unhappy with was not my size but me in general. Since moving to NY I have met so many people in the Plus Fashion and Fat advocacy world that have changed my mind about size and how size will never equal happiness.
ReplyDeleteI really hope that as you get healthier and down to your goal size you will see that the problem was never really your size but the fact that you were not taking care of yourself and that was what was missing. And if there is something else, that it will reveal itself to you. Because no woman should think her outward appearance is everything and thusly, will make her happy.